omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
