Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
