i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm having to shit out rocks
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