Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
