I skipped work to stalk him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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