I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
