why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
