aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize