He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
