you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
