Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
