just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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