you traded sex for a burrito?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
