guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
