Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He kissed a someone with a penis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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