So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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