I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
