i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
