Can i not drive my cunt home
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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