he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
