last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
