I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
