Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
