I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All the doctor said was why
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
