I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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