he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
