I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
