She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone signed my nipple.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
