if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
