i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
