he wants to bone in the snuggie
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
