so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
