things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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