Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize