she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
