You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
