Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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