i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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