so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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