We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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