you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize