I just threw up on my dentist
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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