remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
