Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i barfeds in our rink
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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