i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize