Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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