You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
