Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
