What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
