His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my fart just growled at me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
