how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
