I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
