I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
