Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He has the fingertips of a God
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