He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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