Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
