Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
