We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
