My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
