Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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