His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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