i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
