I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
