He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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