Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
