I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
