OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
